


Scars&Love

by Starline148



Category: Inazuma Eleven
Genre: Also trying an artistic aproach of writting sex and not so explicit but explicit anyways, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Distance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Kiss, Friendship, Friendship betrayed, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Like it's masturbation but it's not explicit written per se, M/M, Mention of trying suicide, Mentions of a background character being murdered, Metaphoric masturbation, Not Beta Read, Oral Sex, Sex, Trauma, hopeless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:22:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starline148/pseuds/Starline148
Summary: Kidou Yuuto goes to Italy to play in a Profesional Football Team, leaving everything he loves behind and carrying with the guilt and angst of the last time he saw Fudou Akio, who disappeared before Kidou could apologize for hurting him. Being unable of forgotting Fudou, his eyes chase Kidou at night, when he fall in an hopeless abyss.Until fate decides to make them meet again.
Relationships: Fudou Akio/Kidou Yuuto
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	Scars&Love

**Author's Note:**

> I write if (late) for TeikokuWeek on Tumblr, Day 06 promts were Scars and Love and I thought about this story.
> 
> English isn't my Mother Language so it can be mistakes. Specially because translator changes the he/she & his/her as it wants.
> 
> I really like how it turned even if it's longer than expected because I just love writting about them. I wanted to try an artistic writting approach to sex since a lot of time and this was the time I did.
> 
> So, if you're going to read it, be aware that it has sex scennes (in the end). Altough to me is more important the emotional growth before. 
> 
> Anyways I hope you'll enjoy it as much or more than I did writting it!
> 
> I'd love to read any comment about the story! It always cheers me up a lot. Also Kudous are welcome. If you like KdFd you can find more works in my page!

An ephemeral beam of light split the night like a gleaming knife, followed by a huge crash as if the world was shattered. With a gasp and his heart beating in a frightened frenzy, Kidou Yuuto woke up from a dream as turbulent as the storm that lurked outside. His barely clothed body was covered with beads of sweat that ran down his bare skin, he did not know if they were the result of the summer heat or the agitation that shook him inside.

With a moan of discomfort, he sat up in bed and looked for the bottle of water on the nightstand that he had had to leave for a while before going to bed, those days it was easy for him to become dehydrated. He heard raindrops splash the glass with fury. He put his hand to his tired blood-colored eyes and gazed for a few moments of mental emptiness at his white sheets tangled between his legs.

"Damn it," he murmured making the plastic bottle creak at the excess force of his clenched fingers, leaving the object in its initial position with more violence than he would have liked. He was upset. Just then he had to dream about him again, as if his life wasn't difficult enough.   
  


Yes ... As if his life was no longer abuzz with uncertainty, regret and frustration. He had to add those eyes like an ocean that hit him with the immensity of the fury of a rough surge. Those intense, big and sincere eyes. Those eyes that the last time they looked at him were hurt, betrayed and sad.

He snorted, burying his face in his hands, noting how tears of frustration wanted to emerge as irrepressible as the rain outside. He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm his mind, clinging like a burning nail to the only thing that managed to get him out of those spirals of anguish and desolation: football. Football. Everything would be fine, when and how he still ignored it; but everything would be fine, everything would be fine, everything.

As his breathing normalized, he went back to bed, looking up at the white ceiling of his dark bedroom. The hour passed and he shifted position unable to fall asleep again. His mind wandered stubbornly in memories of four years ago. Memories hazy and blackened with guilt, memories he wanted to forget, memories dotted by that unforgiving ocean.

How he wished that his last words to him had not been contempt, had not been cruelty, had not been lies. 

How he wished things had been different, to have followed him, to apologize.

How he wished to see him again.   
  


* * *

A week had passed since that night when he woke up abruptly, Kidou Yuuto was about to board on the most important adventure for his professional career and he had forced himself to focus his attention on it. Boarding, never better said, since he waited patiently at the Inazuma airport for the time when he would have to go to the interior area to enter a plane to Rome.

A small step for humanity, perhaps not even a step for humanity at all; but it was a big step for him. A step that left everything he loved behind, a step that left everything he knew behind, a step that left behind the last possibility of reconciliation.

"Take care, brother," Haruna smiled, hiding the sadness that she herself felt to give her brother the strength she knew he needed more than ever.

He nodded and stroked her hair.

"You've grown a lot, Haruna." he murmured with his mind escaping through a chink of that white room where he took refuge, jumping into the confused river of memories, skipping from scene to scene between moments with his sister and his friends, until finally arriving once more to remember those eyes that day.

“Good luck, brother. I'll come see you as soon as I can.”

Kidou moved, he did not believe in luck, he believed in perseverance, effort and intelligence. How could he believe in something so immaterial and indefinable? How could he believe in something that had never appeared in his life? He shook his head and forced himself to smile, but the firmness and tightness of his lips pointed out the falseness of that gesture. She hugged him.

It was a heartbreaking farewell, it was a devastating farewell, it was a farewell with the smell of rain and ash. But they knew it was not a goodbye forever. Kidou left his country behind, left his family behind, left his friends behind; But he did not leave behind his ties or his love for the people who remained. Would return.

Once he was finally alone, sitting in his first-class seat on that plane bound for Rome, tears streamed down his cheek. ghosts that tormented him. 

Perhaps what hurt him most at that moment of deep and irritating honesty was thinking that despite the fact that his life was collapsing into rubble from which he had to flourish again and stronger, the other boy would continue without the slightest shake in his, undaunted, ignorant, indifferent. A life in which Kidou Yuuto no longer had a place, paths that would never cross again.

Oh, how wrong could he be.

* * *

Adapting to life in Rome was more difficult for Kidou than he expected, not only because of the jet lag but also because of the cultural difference between Japan and Italy. Italians were sociable, pleasant and cheerful people, not generally taking care of personal space. And Kidou in those moments needed a lot of personal space. 

However, Rome gradually won his heart: its people, its food, its lights, its streets, its smells and its colors ... Everything grew inside Kidou. 

Every morning he woke with the smell of coffee and toasts, a smell that produced a disturbing bubbling within him that he was unable to understand. Mix of vulnerability and joy. A wish, a united family, harmony.

That day, however, the young man woke up not because of the smell of breakfast that awaited him in the cafeteria of the residence, but because of those turquoise eyes when there were still long hours of darkness until dawn dyed the sleeping city alive. Turquoise eyes that made in Kidou awaken something else.

He felt an enormous discomfort grow in the pit of his stomach when he noticed how that last dream had physically affected his body. A dream far from the usual snatches of memories mixed with rigid and linear dream moments, a world full of edges. Sometimes those dreams slipped through a chink of despair that opened the door of his subconscious and then that happened. It was not the first time he had dreamed of something like this, it was not the first time that he should take on his hands the responsibility that came with it.

He breathed, trying to let time pass. He breathed, trying to calm his heart. He breathed, trying to forget those eyes. He breathed, trying to avoid the unavoidable.

It was in vain.

Those eyes were a furious surge that once again emerged in the crystalline sea of his mind, waves of joy and guilt, waves of friendship and sadness, waves of love and betrayal, waves of goodbye. Kidou drowned in those waters and could no longer avoid being carried away by the currents of his emotions.

He had known for a long time, he had been aware for a long time, he had long locked that door with a double-key padlock and avoided passing in front of it. But when those turquoise eyes appeared and their bodies merged as one in the intimacy of his dreams, that door opened wide and it was increasingly difficult to close it.

Fudou Akio was his first love. And what was worse, he still was.

As the luminous numbers on the digital display of Kidou's clock changed reflecting the passage of time, he abandoned himself to that inescapable reality and his voice trembled in the intimacy of loneliness. Only the night witnessed his desperate agitation as his breathing grew stronger and his heart raced more and more following the frenzy of his hand. 

And when Kidou finally broke free, was exhausted lying on that bed and was able to return to the world of grid stiffness, the clock said 05:05. Next to it is a ball of crumpled toilet paper.

* * *

The insistent alarm clock punctured his brain much sooner than he would have liked. His brain felt like butter under a warm knife. He opened his eyes with marks of sleeplessness and groped for the source of that unpleasant sound, turning it off and managing to regain the tranquility that one might expect from a morning in Rome. There was already movement in the corridors and from the street came the comforting sound of the vehicles circulating mixed with the voices of those people who had started their day.

He sat up with a pasty mouth and sweaty body, at some point he had removed his shirt. His eyes fell on that crumpled ball of paper and his cheeks were stained red when he remembered the precise moment when that happened. He gave himself a moment to collapse before forcing himself to lift his head and pretend that never happened. He had to keep walking and couldn't stop to look back, if he kept walking he would find at some point a sun so bright that it would make him forget the mists of repentance.

He got up to shower, forcing himself to think about the good things that were waiting for him in that city full of secrets, intrigues and culture. Castles in the air to which he went so as not to fall into the abyss of helplessness. 

That day was going to be perfect, it was going to be wonderful, it was going to be a great step to get closer to his future. Since that day he was going to be officially presented to the youth team of Rome, he was finally going to play in a professional team in the Italian league. 

He also knew that there were several friends of his on the Rome team and he was looking forward to meeting them again, with Fideo, Hidetoshi, Demonio and many more. Until then he had not been able to see them, they had asked him to keep his transfer secret. Although one of them knew it inevitably: Someoka. Who had made that same trip a year before, who had learned everything through the chat group of Japanese football players friends. With whom Kidou had great hopes of meeting.

It was going to be a perfect day.

Too bad the perfect days don't exist, do they?

* * *

He wasn't nervous, but he was anxious. He was eager to play football again, to kick a ball again, to feel the wind on his skin again, to feel the adrenaline of a match again.

He had found no information on the team other than the list of player names among which his was not yet found. He bubbled with expectation, what would those players be like? What strategies could they put together? What matches awaited them?

He was received by the team's coach, who took him to his office in the building where the team was based. He was a kind man with straw-blonde hair and a freckled face, father of the team manager. When they finished doing one last paperwork the two left for presentation to the rest of the team.

"Guys, it’s time to introduce you to our new signing for this year. It comes from Japan but you are already used to the Japanese, right guys? ”

The boys stopped doing what they were doing and looked at Kidou with big smiles of welcome and reunion.

"Kidou Yuuto." introduced the coach for those who did not know him.

"Yuuto!" exclaimed a boy with brown hair and blue eyes, hugging him immediately.

"How long since the last time?" exclaimed another boy with light-colored dreadlocks and gray eyes. "I don't know if you knew but I had my eyes operated and I can see normally again."

"As long as you wear glasses, Demonio" added the brown boy with a laugh.   
"Yes, Fideo."

Kidou was hugged by all his Italian acquaintances, Angelo, Gigi and even Hidetoshi. Luca, on the other hand, greeted him from afar. 

Kidou's eyes covered by green glass glasses, which Haruna had given him before leaving to exchange for his old blue rubber goggles, went towards Someoka, who was smiling very frankly and waiting his turn to hug Kidou and almost broke his ribs.

But the boy's smile faltered when he separated from Someoka and found the sea-colored eyes that shook him at night. His lips parted and his arms fell languidly along his body. Without knowing how to feel, without knowing how to react.

How was that possible? 

In front of him was Fudou Akio. A Fudou Akio who had grown, who had changed. He had long hair, tied back in a ponytail and a silver hoop around his head to hold his hair. His ears were adorned with earrings. His body had grown taller and stronger, but his elbows and knees were still bony. His face had lengthened. His skin was still white, and his lash, sea-green eyes hit him again with such force that the door he forced himself to keep closed reopened wide and he couldn't do anything to avoid it. Fudou was extraordinarily attractive.

His name wasn't even on the list, what was he doing there then?

Kidou was puzzled, their gazes connected and as if time and separation had not nicked their hearts, the rest of the world disappeared for them as it did in the past. The world was nothing more than a poorly tuned radio.

The boy's sea green eyes showed amazement and disbelief, but there was also a shadow of suspicion and fear. Kidou stepped forward not knowing what to say after all this time, not knowing what to say after the last thing he said was extraordinarily cruel, but then he felt a blow to his back.

"Oh man, when the other teams find out, with two strategists so good that we now have victory this year is ours!" Gigi was talking to Kidou without understanding, neither really understood.

Only small, dark black eyes looked understandingly at the boys, and when Kidou was again surrounded by the Italians those eyes looked directly at his other friend.

"Are you okay Caleb?"

Fudou was silent for a few moments, biting his lip and taking his eyes off Kidou who was blocked by the rest of the team.

"You knew it. You knew the player was… Ki… was him. ”

Someoka sighed and nodded.

"It is because I did not leave the group chat of Inazuma Japan four years ago."

Fudou did not answer, just gritted his teeth in response.

"Caleb ..." He stopped for a moment and shook his head "Akio ..." Fudou narrowed his eyes at him, Someoka knew that he should no longer call him that, and only did so when he said something more serious "... fate has given you an opportunity to reconcile.”

His green eyes wandered to the ground, then rose to Someoka's rough but kind face.

"I don't believe in fate, Ryuugo."

But his right hand slipped a few moments down his left forearm and Someoka laughed knowing he was lying.

The coach after that moment of chaos forced them to formalize and the boys lined up.

"Well guys, I want you to introduce yourselves, I know that many of you already know Kidou Yuuto, but there are some colleagues who don't, so ... go ahead."

The boys who would become part of their new team were presented in order. Kidou quickly memorized the names of those he did not know. The strangest moment, however, was when Fudou did not introduce himself as Fudou Akio but with the name Caleb Stonewall. Kidou's eyes searched his again, but the boy had his gaze on his feet, then he looked at Someoka, who just nodded seriously. 

Kidou did not know the reason, but Fudou Akio was no longer Fudou Akio.

* * *

The training was different from what Kidou was used to, maybe it was a long time since he was in a team where there were so many players to adapt to. Fortunately for him, he was a talented boy and soon entered the game of his teammates

Discovering that playing with Fudou was as fluid as ever Kidou had to hold back bitter tears of frustration.

That encounter was like a trembling light in a lonely night field. But every time he tried to get closer to it, the light faded and drifted away from him. Fudou fascinatingly kept out of Kidou except for the plays that required his cooperative work. No one else noticed that, except for Someoka.

"This team is the best we have had in years," Angelo muttered visibly excited at the end of training.

"The cup is ours this year" confirmed Demonio.

"Guys, let's go celebrate Yuuto's arrival, let's all eat together!" 

Kidou had no choice but to accept that, although all he wanted at the moment was to follow Fudou and talk to him about what had happened that day, to explain the truth to him.

Fudou remained indifferent to the conversation until the moment when Gigi put his arm around his shoulder and he looked in panic at the huge goalkeeper.

"Where we go?"

Fudou babbled something that sounded like he was going home; but the same thing that happened with Kidou happened to him, nobody allowed Fudou to leave.

"Come on, Caleb" Demonio laughed without understanding the scars that made their hearts scream "Yuuto is here, you should be jumping with joy, when I played against you you were unstoppable, the best duo of the World Cup ... along with Mark and Dylan."

"That was a long time ago, Demonio." Fudou muttered.

"Nonsense," Gigi laughed. "A couple of days, and Yuuto and you will be the same two arrogant, inseparable cretins as ever."

The team went to a terrace in a bustling square surrounded by restaurants, put together several tables, and sat in the late summer midday sun. They ate between laughs and ice drinks. But neither Kidou nor Fudou could participate heartily in the lively conversations that were going on between the other companions. Kidou tried to sit next to Fudou, perhaps hoping he could step forward. But Fudou took refuge between Gigi and Someoka and didn't look back at him even once, despite constantly feeling Kidou's intense red eyes on him.

* * *

After two weeks of unsuccessful approach attempts Kidou was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Why couldn't he take that step? Why was he lacking the courage to speak to him at the moment of truth? 

Yes, his game was almost impeccable ... but Kidou distinguished in his fine moves the spots of distrust and resentment. 

He looked at the ceiling of his room with his red eyes full of disappointment. Sometimes he thought that it was fate who had brought them back together as a gift, to reconcile, to continue the life that they had half left. But sometimes ... oh, sometimes he thought that fate had really brought them back together to gloat in his face and torture him with the inexorable truth that Fudou no longer wanted to know anything about him, that he was no longer important in Fudou's life.

However, Kidou could not avoid that the terrible snake inside crawled from his guts and drowned his heart, seizing him with an enormous anguish that ended in spasms of frustration. Why couldn't he stop feeling that way about the green-eyed boy? Everything would be much easier without that emotional slab that crushed his rationality.

Everything would be so much easier if he wasn't in love. But did he really want to stop being it? The sun fell on the Italian city and through the half-open window of Kidou the sky moved between the oranges of the sunset to the purple of the night.

His chest rose and fell in a frantic rhythm. It didn't make him happy, he wasn't glad about it. On the contrary, it felt like he was walking on sharp broken glass that had once belonged to a pure, calm surface.

Why was everyone calling him Caleb? Why couldn't he explain how sorry he was not to have defended him when he should have? Why did his eyes keep popping up night after night in his dreams and his white hands run over his bare skin while his peach lips caressed his between whispers of intimacy? Why every night should he drown that tension that was born when he suddenly woke up from those dreams without consolation? Why when the sun reflected the light on those balls of paper could not avoid feeling that it was sinking into an abyss without return?

* * *

Then classes started at the University and Kidou believed that he could appease his monsters in the calm of logical learning. Stay distracted, find calm.

He knew he was wrong again when he discovered sitting on one of the class benches that intelligent face and those eyes like the sea that after a moment of tension, retreated towards the book that lay open before him.

Both demonstrated once again the similarities they shared by having chosen the same career to study.

He sighed and looked for a free seat at the end of the room. And he continued to do so for the following week.

He still hadn't managed to speak to Fudou, and as the days dragged on, the uncertainty of whether he could ever do so began to grow.   
  
However, although he did not know it while he was experiencing that phenomenon of darkness, in the other boy the stormy waters were appeasing.

* * *

That day Fudou was late for class, that was quite unusual since the boy used to be even more punctual than Kidou himself. Entering sweaty and breathing hard, as if he had come running, he quickly looked around the classroom and immediately realized that the only free seat there was without having to cross the class in front of everyone was next to the Japanese boy with dreadlocks and green glasses.

Kidou watched him for a few moments and saw the brightness fade on his flushed cheeks and he swallowed. However, he withdrew his eyes, and despite knowing that he would not go sit next to him, he could not avoid a tickle of anticipation. It was only going to hurt him more.

Suddenly he noticed a presence at his side and cocked his head in surprise, Fudou was standing next to him, waiting for Kidou to allow him to go to the second seat of that long table.

"Do you want to seat here?"

Fudou's eyes were riveted on his and despite the tinted glass separating them, Kidou felt his scorching gaze. He got up and let him pass to the second seat, still unable to recover from the unexpected surprise and noticing how his guts contracted in a cry of cowardice. His hands brushed as he passed. It was a smooth, light and casual gesture, just like before everything fell apart.

Despite sitting next to him Kidou could not get Fudou to talk to him and after finishing classes and heading to training, he did not know if he was happier or more frustrated. Maybe it was a mixture of both. He had just missed the opportunity to speak to Fudou once and for all; But at least both boys had been sitting six hours together and was able to feel that skin in reality again after so many years in which he could only do it in his dreams.

The next day he came to class tired from a new night of intense dreams that took him further than other times. Upon entering his classroom he discovered with a new shudder and a heat wave that Fudou was sitting in the same place as the previous day despite the fact that there were many free seats. Their eyes met for a moment and then he withdrew his gaze, but this time it was different, this time his cheeks flushed and his lips were relaxed. He was waiting for Kidou.

Kidou thought, as he walked slowly to the seat he occupied daily, that Fudou's heart should go as fast as his in those moments of suspense and tension. Scared, waiting for the disaster.

When he reached his side, he sat down, appearing a calm that he was far from feeling.

"Good Morning."

His green eyes glided stealthily, his eyebrows twitched, and he looked straight ahead.

It was not until two days later that Fudou returned the greeting, making it the first time that he addressed him to say something that was not strictly necessary to coordinate a training.

"Good morning, Kidou."

Kidou couldn't help but smile at that. 

"Good morning, Caleb."

The boy nodded, looking sad; but they didn't say anything else. Kidou observed him during classes, Someoka had told him that Fudou had to change his name when moving to Italy; but Kidou was unable to understand the reason. What had happened in Fudou's life while he was only able to miss him?

Fudou continued to sit next to Kidou and day after day at some point his hands brushed or his knees collided, meanwhile the tension that had always accompanied them increased.

That Friday Kidou listened attentively to his teacher while he took notes on his sheets with fast writing, at the end he stretched with a yawn. After training he could go home to rest at last. Suddenly Fudou leaned over his notes, his chest brushed his arm, his mint breath shook his body, the boy crossed out something with his own pen and wrote corrected words on it.

Kidou stood with his mouth open watching as Fudou, without saying anything, corrected and made notes in his notes. When they finished their eyes met and Fudou blushed.

"I never thought you could find uglier glasses than the ones you were wearing before."

Kidou blinked, put a hand to his glasses and then laughed in amusement, making Fudou look away annoyed.

"They are a gift from Haruna so I won't forget her while I'm in Italy" then he fell silent, looked down at his notes and at the boy again "Why?"

Fudou shrugged, scratched his nervous neck, and stood up, gathering his things.

"I would not like to get a better grade than you because you have difficulties with the language."

Kidou's chest shook with sadness, he didn't want that relationship with Fudou, he wanted to go back to the times of adolescence, to his jokes, to his complicity. He felt like he was bleeding inside. 

As he passed him to leave, Kidou felt the smell of the shampoo that Fudou used and could not help but grab his wrist to stop him. The brown boy didn't turn immediately and Kidou knew he was forcing himself to show a neutral expression, yet his eyes clouded over with a wound still open. Kidou swallowed, wanted to shout for forgiveness at him, wanted to force him to listen to his apologies, wanted to restore the strong bond that had once brought them together.

"Thank you," he murmured only by releasing his hand with an electric shudder and allowing he to leave at a rapid pace with an echo of the past echoing in his heart.

That night he dreamed of that skin under his hand.

* * *

Another week had passed and autumn had quickly established itself in the city. The air had become cold and the wind ripped the yellow leaves from the deciduous trees. That Friday they would have no training so there were only minutes until a haggard Kidou could go to his room to try to sleep.

During that time he feared that one day Fudou would stop sitting next to him, and after the moment of tension the previous Friday he believed that he had managed to spoil everything again. However, on Monday, at the beginning of classes, Fudou sat down next to him without saying anything about what happened.

A wail shook the classroom windows. The brown boy got up from his seat and put his things in his backpack. He turned to Kidou to let him out but he did not get up. He had made an incredibly difficult decision and gathering all his courage he turned to him.

"We have to talk."

A cold sweat paralyzed Fudou in that place and he felt as if a dagger were stabbed into his heart, his eyes widened in panic and he inadvertently shook his head, backing away and waiting for the person to the other side will leave to go out there.

"Please wait."

Kidou's fingers closed once more around Fudou's slim wrist, and this time he was surprised to notice how narrow it was compared to his own. Fudou shuddered in fear.

"Let me go."

"I need to talk with you."

"No ... there is nothing to talk about ..."

Fudou's voice was barely a moan and his body trembled at the prospect of something that was not at all pleasing to him.

"Please ... Fudou."

"Don't call me that, it's over ... don't ... don't talk to me anymore ... I shouldn't have sat next to you ... I shouldn't ..."

"Please, I need it."

Fudou shuddered again and tried to let go, but Kidou had more strength. In Fudou’s eyes he read that he was about to lose his composure; not knowing if it would go into anger or collapse.

"Let me go" he asked once more.

"If you come with me."

"No ..."

"Then ..." then what? Wouldn't he release it? Kidou felt the heart beating in his ears, the nerves roaring in his twisted insides, the strain choking him "Please ... I really need to talk to you."

Fudou's gaze slid to the ground, with a resigned sigh and the shadow of fear lurking above him.

"Okay ... Let's get this over as soon as possible."

Kidou released his wrist and Fudou touched it bitterly, in frustration, why had he come back to Kidou despite what had happened years before? Why couldn't he just forget about him? Why had he lost himself in that way again? Why couldn't he keep his heart quiet? 

The two boys left the University and Kidou guided the other boy who did not say anything for a long time, until at the end he asked in an irritated voice.

"Where the hell are we going?"

"To my room."

Fudou stopped dead, his face wild.

"No way. What you have to say to me, you tell me right here, I am not going to go one step further. ”

"I don't want anyone to hear us."

“We are speaking in Japanese, nobody will understand us. Nobody cares."

"I care."

Fudou let out an agonized lament, and even though his reason screamed at him to stop, his heart pushed him to follow that red-eyed boy, it pushed him in a state of anxiety and expectation, it pushed him with the hope of recovering something that was irrecoverable. As he walked behind him Fudou remembered the figure of his once great friend in the past. Kidou grew a lot in those years, his shoulders had widened and gained muscle all over his body, his jaw was square and his hair had grown to more than half his back if left loose. His voice had become deep and alluring. Everything that Kidou emanated shook him like a flower in a storm, a fatal attraction, an inevitable attraction, a deep attraction. 

They reached the student residence and Fudou entered hesitantly, the pressure in his stomach increasing as his heart rate increased.

But it was when they reached the door of Kidou's room that he realized there was no going back. There was no longer salvation for him. He had once again fallen into his strings. Kidou breathed to calm himself before opening the door, he felt his body sweating from the excess heat caused by nervousness, his chest hurt horribly in agonizing restlessness.

The room was large, spacious, and tidy. Fudou's eyes quickly scanned the place, bare walls, a built-in wardrobe for clothes, rigid shelves with books arranged in a solid guideline, a desk with a carefully centered closed laptop; only on the nightstand was a gap of flexibility, with a digital display clock, a roll of toilet paper and a photo frame with a photo of Haruna and Kidou. Fudou knew that the coldness in the room was the reflection of Kidou's heart.

He sat on the blue duvet bed without Kidou inviting him to do so, a conscious act of trying to establish dominance in a strange place for him.

Kidou did not say anything to that although a scarlet glow appeared in his ears when he wondered what that boy would say if he knew how many nights that bed had witnessed the dreams he had had with him in not innocent behaviors, the times he had had to appease his body after those dreams, evoking his eyes.

He brought the chair from the desk closer to Fudou and sat on it. Fear burned in his stomach like a cauldron on fire, he could barely contain the seething emotions that threatened to overflow. He must apologize, apologize for betraying his trust.

"So...?"

Kidou nodded and swallowed, not knowing where to start despite having repeated his words throughout the journey. The words were trapped on his lips, they died out before being born. His fingers twitched, he must say something or everything would be worse ... But after hearing the words that his mouth let out, he believed that nothing could have been worse.

"I like you."

Those words bounced off the silence of the walls until they died in enormous tension.

Possibly Fudou would have responded better if he had decided to punch him. He got up surrounded by cold anger.

"Are you making me come here to make fun of me? Fuck you, Kidou.”

The boy moved towards the door but Kidou got up jumping like a spring, terrified and hugged him from behind.

"No ... no ... wait please ... I ... I didn't mean to say that, I don't want to make fun of you ... I feel very confused and I get stuck when trying to say several things at once."

"Now will you tell me that you didn't mean what you said four years ago either?"

Kidou felt a sharp blade penetrate his heart and a deep stab causing him immense pain. He shuddered and gripped Fudou tighter, leaving his face on his back. Tears stifled in time flowed from his eyes, he took off his glasses and threw them on the bed to wipe his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry ... I've never regretted something that much ... I, I didn't think that what I said would hurt you so much."

Fudou's face reflected a skeptical look and he turned to face Kidou, watching him harshly.

"Of course, how stupid of me that it hurted me that you told me ... what exactly was it like?"

He knew that in truth the boy, like him, had not forgotten his hurtful words even though he was pretending to be remembering a superficial conversation.

“Ah, I already remembered” Kidou bit his lips, hearing it in Fudou's voice was going to be worse than remembering it in his own voice “Don't lie, Fudou. We all know that it was you who broke Sakuma’s new console, we saw you take it before starting training. Can't you think of anyone but you for just a moment? I wish you would leave the team alone instead of always complicating everything, not a day goes by without you doing something that causes us problems. You are a nuisance, no one can stand you. ”

Silence, spectral silence.

"Yes, I was certainly stupid that it hurt me."

"I'm sorry ..."

"Hmm? Are you sorry Didn't I do what you wanted? I left the team alone and stopped complicating everything, didn't I? Didn't you want that? ”

Kidou clenched his fists in anger at the resentful, well-deserved, tone Fudou spoke with.

"No! I didn't feel that ... I really ... I really knew that you were right ... The console worked well when you left it and you hardly touched it, Sakuma was with it for a while before saving it to go training ... But ... but I gave him the reason because he was sad for a long time, I did not want to go against him in front of the team… that his self-esteem would drop again after all that he had advanced. ”

Fudou's eyes flashed coldly and he replied sarcastically.

"Wow, that reassures me a lot, Kidou ..." 

"Forgive me, Fudou ... I didn't mean to hurt you, I was an idiot, I didn't realize what I was saying."

"Poor Yuuto who did not realize what he was saying ..." Fudou snorted and felt his tears threaten to come out of his own eyes as well. “Only Someoka defended me. Until Tobitaka and Tsunami found out, they also took my side ... " 

" I did not mean ... The console ... "

" Cut that out, Kidou" Fudou's eyes flashed with fury and then the first tear began to slide down his skin reddened with anger “The console does not matter to me, I knew that I didn’t break it and it was still a damn console at the end. What hurt me was how you all made it very clear what all of you thought of me ...; how did you… made it clear what you thought of me; that I was a liar, that I was not trustworthy ... that you didn't need me by your side. For what reason would it hurt you I left if it was what you wanted? ”

Kidou grabbed onto Fudou's arms almost desperately, wetting his shirt even more to the boy's disgust.

"That's not true, you were my best friend, Fudou ... you were ... you are very important to me."

The boy growled and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yes, I saw it ..."

Kidou's sobs grew louder and Fudou himself began to cry even more, remembering that it opened a deep and pain-filled wound.

"I let myself go ... I let myself go because of the situation, I let myself go because I felt sorry for Sakuma, I let myself be carried away by the fact that everyone laughed at us because they said that ... we liked each other, I thought that way they would let us in peace ... I didn't realize that I was being so cruel ... I didn't realize that I was breaking your trust, our ties ... that were the most important thing to me. I wanted to apologize as soon as I could think logically again… but I couldn't locate you anymore, I… I could never tell you how sorry I was to lie in front of everyone like that out of fear. ”

"Was it so bad that they thought you might like me that you preferred to humiliate me like that?"

Kidou raised his eyes to find the same wounded and sad eyes that looked at him betrayed that day four years ago. Kidou trembled and put his face against his chest again without being able to answer that question.

"I've wanted to apologize ever since, I've wanted to apologize to you ever since ... I was a jerk ... I was a jerk and there is nothing I regret more."

Fudou closed his eyes, he felt weak and that only stirred a few poisonous grounds that he preferred to keep still. A grounds that muddied the layers of emotions with which he had tried to cover them. He didn't want to go deeper into that well of darkness.

"Oh please, Kidou. Stop crying over me, you're spoiling my shirt with tears and snot.… ”

Fudou brushed Kidou aside and pulled the wet cloth away from his body with an expression of disgust.

"I can ... I can lend you another shirt if you want."

Before Fudou could answer Kidou had rushed to pick up a clean T-shirt of his own and although Fudou at first looked at it reluctantly he ended up huffing and taking off his own clothes with a quick gesture.

Kidou paled at the sight in the middle of Fudou's chest of a scar like a blossoming rose. He reached out a hand trembling with strong anguish and his fingertips brushed his skin leaving his hand trembling on him.

"What ... what is this? ... When?"

Fudou looked at his chest, felt a chill of grief and shrugged.

"Yesterday you didn't have it in the locker room ... but it doesn't make sense ... it's a scar ... how?"

Fudou bit his lip.

"I usually wear makeup to cover it up."

Kidou's red eyes suddenly widened as the spark of certainty lit his mind like lightning in the midst of a storm. He felt dizzy, he felt nauseous, an acid sensation rose from his guts.

"You are in a witness protection program ..." Kidou felt overwhelmed by the new revelations he had to face at the time "That's why ... that's why the name change … that’s why you were so extrange the time before you left… that's why ... you disappeared."

Kidou's hand remained for a while on Fudou's chest, feeling his heartbeat; before he dropped down on the bed dejected, taking even longer to bother putting on the clean shirt.

The seconds marked each instant of that long silence until Fudou spoke again.

“A little more than four years ago one night my mother was coming home, she collided with a man covered in blood… at first she thought it was his and offered her help but the man disappeared in the dark, she kept advancing to find the mutilated body who turned out to be a major businessman ..." Fudou paused" The police made us swear that we would not say anything until they found the murderer, since that could endanger not only us but our close people, if he decided that my mother was a threat to have seen him ... Everything went normally or I thought so ... Until one day ..." Fudou hesitated and brushed his left forearm "Until one day I found an anonymous letter that threatened my mother... She confessed to me that I had been receiving those letters for months... suffering blackmail, suffering psychological abuse" Fudou's voice trembled "The next day I had classes and I was very nervous because I didn't want to leave her alone but she forced me to go, Sakuma had brought his stupid new console and I could not help but take it off to make him rage... I did not expect ... I did not expect it to break later and less to be blamed for it ... We started to argue ... I know that I did not act well and that the things I told him weren’t correct, but I was scared by my mother and that blew me up ... An then you ... "Fudou's eyes widened and they looked frankly at Kidou" you took Sakuma's side and told me that, I'm sure it would have hurt at any time but that particular day… it was devastating for me. ”

Fudou paused and sighed heavily, stroking his forearm again as he continued speaking, Kidou trembled in the chair where he had to lean.

"Things got worse ... one day my mother and I were attacked on the street, a big guy with a knife. He was trying to rob us or so I thought ..., we fighted ... It turns out that the guy ... was a psychopath the police had on view, the same one who had killed that businessman and many others ... The police decided to include us in a Witness protection program and sent us to Italy with a different identity, but we couldn't tell anyone."

“That's why you disappeared. That's why you left the team.”

Fudou raised his eyes with a frown, lowered his gaze, and his hand touched his left forearm again.

"Yes." 

Kidou's expression twitched at the moment, shaken by a hurricane of deception and frustration.

"Do you know how much I have suffered believing that you left because of me!? Why did you leave without telling me? I thought we were friends."

Fudou's voice sounded unusually calm when he spoke again.

"You can rest easy with your memory and hate me if you want to, I'm used to it, after all ... I only think about myself, right?"

Fudou stood up, not looking at Kidou.

"Why didn't you tell me when we met again?"

The brown boy had a hand on the door handle, he froze for a few seconds, blinked to avoid a tear and turned, this time his right hand closed on his waist, very tense. 

"Because I can no longer trust you."

* * *

The following days were especially hard on Kidou, as if he was swallowed up by a shadow of hopelessness. 

He believed that after speaking with Fudou he could release the poison that tormented him inside, that they could reconcile, that they could return to what they were ... But the thread that united them, the damaged thread that united them had finally been broken.

He wasn't sure if Fudou accepted his apology or not, but it didn't change the fact that he no longer trusted him. He couldn't blame him, but this was worse than he could have imagined.

That weekend he did not sleep, he felt his body writhing before the hurricane of disappointment, loneliness, helplessness, rage. When Monday came he woke up with a single idea in mind, an obsessive pulse that saved him from the stormy winds of his grief. They had to speak again.

However, Fudou did not appear for class or for football training. He did not do it the following days and Kidou feared once again that he lost him forever.

Unable to hold back any longer on Wednesday, his anguish turned to Someoka. 

“Hey, Someoka, do you know… do you know anything about Fudou… about Caleb?”

Someoka's small black eyes narrowed and looked at Kidou with such intensity that he thought he was going through it with x-rays.

"Why do you ask?"

Kidou looked down, unable to give an answer that was not pathetic. Someoka crossed his arms.

"Caleb has a cold."

Kidou's eyes flashed suspiciously behind his glasses and he looked back at his friend. 

"What a curious coincidence," he growled.

"Yes, that seemed to me too" Someoka muttered and snorted scratching his neck. "Come on, Kidou. Let's have a drink, I think we need to talk.”

The two young men left together after training and sat inside a cafeteria protected from the cold autumn wind that was blowing in the city at that time. Someoka ordered a black coffee and Kidou a green tea.

"What did you tell him, Kidou? He came home deranged and locked himself in his room right away, I've heard him cry these days. ”

Kidou was surprised at all the data that simple phrase provided.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened four years ago."

"It seems that it didn't go very well ..." Someoka observed taking a drink from his coffee.

Kidou hesitated at that.

“He told me that his mother witnessed a murder and they entered a witness protection program. So they left without telling anyone. ”

"Did he tell you that?" Someoka's eyes narrowed but Kidou nodded "There were three people who did tell them he was leaving, do you know who they were?"

The boy suddenly felt the vein in his temple begin to throb with growing frustration and renewed anger, a buzz growing in his ears.

"Tobitaka, Tsunami and you."

He couldn't believe it, so ... then? He was furious, a throaty voice inside him screeching and clawing at his guts. Why hadn't he said goodbye to him? They were back to situation one, no doubt Kidou messed everything up by telling him what he did over the stupid console, out of the stupid fear that they would think he was in love with him.

Someoka's chest instead puffed up with pride at corroborating that information, then continued with some grief.

"It was very difficult for him ... That madman entered his house on Christmas Day and almost killed his mother ... Thank God Fudou ...Caleb stood in the middle altough he was wounded."

The cup of tea slipped from Kidou's trembling hand and spread a dark stain across the smooth surface of the table. Horrified.

"Christmas."

"Yes, a horrible date ..." 

"But it was in the summer when ..."

Someoka nodded with annoyance, not realizing that they were not talking about the same thing.

"I know, sometimes the police is too slow ... After his mother almost threw herself out the window in the summer for receiving those letters that brought her to the edge of her mental health ... it wasn't until that jerk broke into their house months later that the police decided to really act and put them safe.”

Kidou's cheeks left all traces of color, his eyes reflected an immense horror and his heart seemed to stop, looking at him Someoka realized that he spook too much. His voice sounded strained as he asked.

"He... he didn't tell you this, did he?"

The other boy could only shake his head as his body shuddered as if thousands of blades were driving into him. If Fudou hadn't told him the truth, then he really didn't trust him. He had told him directly, but he wanted to believe it was a lie, he wanted to believe that there was a solution. However… learning the truth hurt him more than ever.

"That asshole ..." Someoka growled, ruffling his hair not knowing how to fix the situation. "Did he make you believe he left the football team because of the witness protection program?"

"He did."

The boys were silent, and then Someoka burst out into a bitter, dark laugh.

"Listen, Kidou ... This year that I have been living with him has made me understand many things."

"Are you roommates?"

"Yes. When I arrived in Italy her mother started dating a man more seriously and he went to her house to live. Caleb was not comfortable and when I came we decided to rent an apartment between the two ... His mother is now a happy woman again, by the way ..."

Kidou nodded without thereby loosening that sour feeling inside, but glad to know she was fine.

"As I was saying ... I have realized that Caleb is an extraordinarily complex boy ... although I think that precisely you have always known it." Kidou tried a faint smile "He is very complex but he has a good heart ... I think he preferred that you thought that it was all his fault so that you could free yourself from the feelings of guilt and turn the page, even if that means that you’d hate him."

The boy lowered his head again.

"I do not understand why."

"He appreciates you more than he can confess despite everything that happened. I told him how devastated you felt when he left."

"He said he doesn't trust me," Kidou recalled heavily, feeling his eyelids turn to lead and his whole body giving in to the exhaustion of the mixed emotions. "And the fact that he didn't tell me any of this confirms it."

He was surprised to hear Someoka laugh honestly that time, looked at him slightly indignant at that lack of respect.

"Tell me one thing, did he have his right hand on his waist when he said that to you?"

Kidou looked at him strangely.

"Yes."

Someoka's laughter filled the place like a breeze of rebirth, when he finished he wiped away a tear and tried to calm himself.

“This year I have also noticed something, when Caleb lies betrays himself with his body, he usually touches his left forearm nervously when the lie he is going to say believes that it is for the good of the other person or isn’t telling all the truth, let's call them white lies. However, when his right hand is on his waist with his fingers very close together it is because he is telling a shameless lie with which he feels totally unhappy, so he tries to adopt a posture that seems casual.”

Kidou's lips parted in a silent question that he could not formulate, if that was true, practically everything Fudou told him that day was lies.

"Review the conversation you had with these data, okay? Surely you will find more information, especially you who know how to read between the lines and are a mental prodigy… I will only tell you that Caleb does not hate you even though you earned it that day. ”

Kidou growled and looked at Someoka unconsciously touching his jaw on the right side.

"Yes, the punch you gave me when you saw me again made it clear."

Someoka laughed again.

“Although he didn't hate you, he did feel very betrayed, but he was very happy to see you again when you came to Italy, since then he is less sullen…” Someoka paused and looked at Kidou with intensity “You know, I know that everyone always messed with you saying that you were like an ill-matched marriage… but I always thought that you were truly in love and wished you happiness.”

Kidou's ears stained with the blood that suddenly collected in them, he lowered his head and his lower lip trembled. Someoka leaned back in his seat with a malicious glint in his eyes.

"Oh?"

Kidou breathed heavily and then said something he had never uttered out loud except for that moment days ago when he tried to pose as a grammatical error.

"At least… I was."

"How unexpectedly interesting" Someoka smiled "Okay Kidou ... You owe me a very big favor. Keep that in mind."

And without further explanation he took a keychain out of his pocket and threw it at him, Kidou caught it in flight and saw some silver keys with a keychain of a hooked blue dragon and another that looked like a gift from Hokkaido.

Kidou looked at the object and looked at Someoka questioningly.

"Demonio has been insisting to do a Lord of the Rings marathon for days and tonight is as good time to do it as any other."

"But tomorrow there are classes ..."

"Forget about classes, man! Make peace with him for a damn time! Akio really needs you in his life! Push him against the wall if necessary.”

The glasses boy's cheeks flushed intensely as Someoka got up after giving him the address of his apartment, paid for both drinks and left, looking for the Demonio contact on his mobile to inform him that he was going to his place with drinks and food to make that marathon he had been posponing.

* * *

  
  


Kidou took a while to put his chaotic thoughts in order and get up from that cafeteria, he went first to his residence to shower, pick up the shirt that the other boy had left behind and go out again with an indecisive steps.

He froze for a momment un front of the building in a lively street. He got in with nervousism, with anxiety.

A screech when opening, a screech when closing. He locked the key behind him, unaware that the unconscious gesture indicated a desire to close the book. 

He stood still, sensing the place he had just entered. It smelled clean and a soft sandalwood incense. He came to a small entrance illuminated by light coming in from the glass doors on either side and a bowl-shaped salt lamp with chunks like loose rocks above it emitting a cozy orange light. To his right was a small piece of furniture in which was the censer from which that smell came, on a small plate next to it were some keys and his stomach flipped when he recognized a small keychain of a penguin worn by time hooked on them. That object was a gift from Kidou.   
  
From that entrance a corridor that entered the house and turned to the left was born. 

"Are you back, Ryuugo? I hope you remembered to buy dinner, the pasta I made yesterday spoiled because of the cream.”

Kidou froze when he heard Fudou's voice approaching from the distance of the corridor, and when he emerged from the corner dressed in short pajamas and bare feet, the boy felt an electric current run through him with the intensity of all the accumulated fear. 

Fudou stood still when he saw that it was not Someoka who entered, but Kidou. The two boys stared at each other in silence and finally Fudou barked.

"I'm going to kill you, Ryuugo."

Kidou shifted nervously.

"I'm not Someoka ... but I can order something for dinner, I invite you."

There was a short silence and Kidou felt the heart in his throat, feeling that in a moment Fudou would throw him out of the house in a bad way. However, something unexpected happened.

"Fine."

With that said, the boy walked slowly down the hall, approaching Kidou, and he felt sweat condensing on his neck. However, when Fudou reached the left door he turned and opened it, entering a small kitchen with reddish tiles. The boy in glasses followed him and stood in the door frame for a moment before going inside while the brown boy poured a glass of water from a pitcher.

"What do you want for dinner? Pizza?"

Fudou put the glass down on a small table against the wall, turned to Kidou and stared at him for a moment. The boy had gotten so close that he could feel his mint breath on his skin. 

Fudou raised his arms and with a slow, throbbing movement, took Kidou's glasses by the sideburns and put them off brushing his cheeks, leaving them on the same table as the glass and missing a moment in his red eyes that were left unprotected and showed the vestiges of the anxiety that consumed Kidou.

"I'm tired of eating pizza."

Kidou's cheeks sparkled at the closeness of the two and his pulse rushed into a desperate jump. Fudou moved again and went out into the entrance again. Opening the front door that got into a very small and very simple living room. From inside there was the gurgling murmur of a water fountain. Kidou followed, not knowing what to do; but when he saw that Fudou was sitting in the armchair touching his chin in a pensive expression, he sat on the sofa waiting for him to say something else.

After a while his eyes met again, Kidou let out his held breath.

"Order Japanese food."

The boy nodded and began to look through an application on the mobile the food delivery options presented. After a while trying to get Fudou to tell him that he prefered to eat the boy got up with an exasperating growl.

"Let me see."

Fudou sat next to him on the sofa, leaned over him and took the phone from him, running his finger over the options on the screen and selecting what he wanted most, when he finished, he returned the phone and Kidou, feeling strangely relaxed, pick it up.

Fudou accepted his abrupt presence in the apartment.

That made new nerves grow in his stomach, but this time they were nice, they were bubbles of happiness that exploded tickling inside him. Fudou leaned back on the sofa and was staring intently at Kidou while he was entering his credit card to pay for dinner and writing the address where it should be delivered.

"Tell me, Kidou, are you coming to spoil more of my shirts?"   
The boy turned blushing, taking out of his bag the shirt he had cried a few days earlier.

"I've washed it for you."

Fudou moved forward and picked up the shirt, watching it without saying anything, suddenly a malicious smile appeared on his lips and Kidou felt a bottle of champagne uncorked inside him.

“You surely are a rich boy, aren't you Kidou? You don't even know how to fold a shirt properly.”

Kidou's ears turned red, but Fudou seemed amused by something so trivial, he got up and went to his room to keep it, turning for a moment to make Kidou understand that he could follow him. The boy also got up feeling his joints heavy, he was walking almost like a robot through a corridor with several photos among which was one of the Inazuma Japan team when they won the FFI.

Upon reaching Fudou's room at the end of the corridor, they were greeted by various posters from rock music groups, Deadpool, and Death Note. There was also one of a few penguins that greatly surprised Kidou by the innocence that it transmitted among the rest of the rather dark images. Fudou's bed was messy, with cushions scattered all over the place and various stuffed animals lying around, including a huge banana Kidou remembered winning at the game booths at a summer festival, which he gave to Fudou. Kidou was also able to see a couple of photos among the shelves, with various collectible figures and many many books, many many scrambled and messy notes.

Kidou approached the photos, in one was the boy with his mother, clearly visiting Rome, in the other he was with Tobitaka, Tsunami and Someoka on a beach that would surely be in Okinawa.

Fudou approached and was next to him, his butt resting on the desk and his arms crossed. Kidou moved his eyes and turned to him, who was only inches away.

“Someoka told me everything. I'm so sorry for everything you've had to go through. I’m sorry you left because of me.”

"Ryuugo should learn to keep his mouth shut," Fudou growled in response.

The boy with dreadlocks hair pulled back into a ponytail took a deep breath and looked into Fudou's eyes.

"You should have told me what was happening ... I could have helped you."

"How? Do you have super powers that allow you to find criminals? Or were you planning to find him with your great intellectual abilities?”

Fudou's tone was slightly sarcastic, but Kidou didn’t bother; he liked that sarcastic Fudou.

"I could have been by your side ... I could have not been an idiot that day ..."

Fudou snorted and his hands grabbed the desk as well.

"Listen Kidou ... we were fifteen ..."

"I was sixteen."

Fudou blushed and let out a laugh that surprised Kidou.

"You're still the same picky guy as always" sighed the boy, and Kidou thought he glimpsed a certain hint of softness in his voice "Okay, we were fifteen and sixteen years old... we were immature and such an arrogant idiots... I still am... several years from now and I will surely remember current moments and think 'oh, what a jerk I was'.”

Kidou smiled at that.

"I think it will be the same for me."

"We all acted badly that day, each for his own reasons... It doesn't matter who was right in the end and we can't change what we did."

"But I should have followed you... I wanted to follow you, but my friends told me to give you space, that you would need time... I should have listened to my head and not to them."

Fudou looked at Kidou for a moment and then looked ahead.

"It doesn't matter, Kidou."

"No, it does matter ... I can't forgive myself."

The boy sighed with resignation.

"It doesn't matter, because now ... you've followed me."

Kidou's red eyes widened in amazement and he turned to him, meeting his gaze.

"Did you want me to follow you?"

"I'm a twisted boy, but you already know that, don't you?"

A hint of a smile covered their lips, but Kidou's grimace became sad immediately.

"Did you want me to follow you then too?"

Fudou's eyebrows twitched for a moment and he nodded, saying nothing more.

"Sorry."

"I know, Kidou. Damn stop apologizing. ”

"But you waited for me and I never came."

A snort escaped Fudou's lips and he turned, grabbing Kidou by the face with some abruptness.

"Stop blaming yourself for everything! Damn, that's why I didn't want to tell you what really happened… It was better if you blamed everything on me.”

A bubbling appeared in Kidou's stomach and his eyes released a sparkle of emotion.

“Wasn't it because you don't trust me anymore?”

"You are an idiot? ... No, don't answer, I know that you are an idiot. I wish I could say I don't trust you honestly” Fudou's hands released Kidou's face and he sank down to sit on the floor “But I can’t….”

There was a silent moment between them.

"Fudou ... sorry Caleb ..."

"You can call me whatever you want when we're alone"

"What?"

“That you can call me whatever you want when we are alone. I hate Caleb's name, or rather, I hate having to hide behind that name.”

"May I call you 'Little Flower of the Field'?"

"No" Fudou looked at Kidou with concern "What the fuck is going through your head?"

Before he could answer the doorbell rang and Fudou got up to fetch the food, leaving Kidou alone in the room.

He heard the boy as he tried to open the door let out a vicious exclamation, then he heard the key, an exchange of words in Italian and the door closed again. The key again. 

Fudou appeared by the door of his room with a tray where he carried the plates and cutlery and a mischievous grin from ear to ear.

"So you thought I could escape."

"Maybe."

Fudou laughed out loud as he took the food out of the containers and put it out among the dishes.

"Well now it's you who can't escape."

The host boy sat on the bed with his back against the wall and Kidou after a moment of doubt did the same.

"I'm not going to run away."

He moved his food thoughtfully after a while eating in silence, and repeated again.

"I should have followed you."

Fudou's eyes rolled in their face and he looked at Kidou almost annoyed.

"I forgot how much it takes you to leave the past behind" he snorted "Do you want me to slap you like I did in the match against Team K? Seriously, Kidou… We were stupid kids… You didn't follow me and I… I didn't say goodbye…”

Fudou's voice suddenly broke and the two boys were surprised to notice that a tear had come out of his eyes, like foam from sea. He looked back at his chicken noodles and stifled a groan.

"I should never have left without making peace with you."

"I'm here now."

The boys' eyes reconnected, Kidou felt the impulse to kiss him when he saw him with that sad look, pearl tears trapped in his long eyelashes and flushed cheeks. 

"Yes, now you are here" Fudou wiped his eyes and took a deep breath "Let's leave our mistakes behind, okay?"

"Will you forgive me for what I did to you?"

"Yes, if you forgive me for not telling you about what was happening in my family and disappearing."

Kidou smiled and couldn't help but one of his hands caressed Fudou's cheek.

"I forgive you, Akio… I was so happy to meet you again… I thought I wouldn’t."

The boy felt a shudder when he noticed Kidou's warm hand on his cheek and his name caressing his ears with an awe of happiness.

"In the end it was all a stupid misunderstanding that got more complicated than necessary ... Also, neither of us were ever the most sincere people in the world."

"I'm still not," Kidou muttered ruefully, looking down. After a while he felt a warm weight on him, Fudou had leaned over his body.

"You are not the only one, Yuuto ..." he paused to give himself courage "I have missed you so much these years, I appreciate you very much, I have always appreciated you very much ... always ... you have always been a very important person to me, really dear to me.. . ”

Kidou's ears flushed and he suddenly felt like after years of swimming against troubled waters he could finally put his head in the air and oxygen filled his lungs. A sun was shining on the sea that was beginning to calm down. 

His bond was not broken, somehow miraculously it survived the distance, the betrayal, the injustice. Kidou felt new shiny layers of thread begin to reinforce that bond, they were connected, they always were.

"Akio ..." Kidou pushed his empty plate away and looked at the other boy whose face reflected the light of hope that also left behind his years of suffering, he raised his eyebrows questioningly. He took a breath, getting the courage to say that, if he had to move towards honesty … he had to say, hoping it wasn't another mistake "I liked you."

The pupils of his eyes as green as the sea of a mild summer afternoon widened, his eyebrows raised, lips parted and his cheeks rose more and more color. He said nothing, could not say anything.

"I really liked you a lot, I… I loved you" Kidou repeated to imply that he was not mocking, although that time Fudou knew immediately that he was being sincere, because his red eyes were serious and they shone with vulnerability.

They continued in silence and Kidou feared that Fudou would be angry, upset, disappointed ... He was afraid that he would disgust him. He couldn't bear the pressure that hovered like a bird of prey over him as the harrowing seconds crawled across the room. He could not bear to separate again, he could not bear any more of those sleepless nights missing him, he would not bear to see any more those crumpled papers on his nightstand.

"And now?" Kidou blinked confused upon hearing the boy's question and looked at him in puzzlement, he sighed and asked again in a voice so different from any other time he had heard "Now do you like me?"

Kidou's voice was lost in his throat, stirred by the intense gaze of Fudou that burned his heart. He swallowed and felt a cold sweat run down his neck. He forced himself to look him in the eye when she answered with difficulty.

"Yes, I do."

"Why does it seem like you're embarrassed? Are you ashamed that you like me? Are you ashamed… of me?”

They were desperate questions that showed an open and fragile heart. 

"No, it's not that ... I just don't want you to dislike me, I don't want you to hate me ..." Kidou replied, biting his lower lip and feeling his body begin to tremble, he closed his eyes sadly feeling the clouds peeking through the horizon.

  
Before his mind could spin any other black thoughts he noticed that. A pulsing light. A crash against his head, a warm contact on his lips, rough hands tangling in his hair. His lips had been sealed by Fudou's.

Opening his eyes, he met Fudou's frank gaze and laughed gleefully, the sky clear and bright again. Fudou smiled softly.

"I could never dislike you ... I could never hate you, Yuuto" the boy's green gaze traveled the lips of the boy who had just kissed, went up his skin and connected with his reds "I like you a lot, I always ... I always loved you."

The wall of fear, sadness and anger that blocked Kidou's heart until that day was shattered with the sound of happy bells. He looked at Fudou and felt in peace.

"When did you say Ryuugo was coming back?"

"I didn't say it... He said he was going to do a Lord of the Rings marathon with Demonio."

"That means he won't come tonight," Fudou muttered, and suddenly blushed alarmingly. "That jerk..."

Kidou raised his eyebrows in misunderstanding, though then upon seeing Fudou's fleeting gaze he also understood and the words about ‘pushing him against the wall’ the young man with pink hair told him took on a new meaning. Kidou's face turned as red as his eyes.

Suddenly a completely different tension was created between them and they both kept quiet holding hands.

"Would you want to go out with me?"

"Where?"

Kidou laughed out loud.

"No, I didn't mean that kind of going out ... I mean… would you want to be my boyfriend, Akio?"

Green and red mixed in a unique moment.

"As long as you are mine."

"It seems fair to me."

Both boys laughed and kissed again.

Time passed in a new way, like butterflies that fluttered among the minute flowers. A soft scent, a comforting breeze.

Fudou was the first to break that silence, beginning to tell Kidou what had happened to him, his mother and the man who pushed them to a forced change of life.

"I haven’t had a bad life in Italy ... but you were missing."

Kidou snorted.

“My life became quite complicated after you left… All the pillars fell apart one by one. But I feel like they're starting to rebuild.”

Fudou nodded and the boys looked at each other, put their faces together again and joined in another kiss. His lips tightening those of the person they loved, their mouths moving in a synchrony that had always characterized them. As they separated Kidou smiled wistfully.

"Your kisses are much better than in my dreams."

A sharp sound came from Fudou's lips and looking at him he saw that his face was flushed.

"Do you dream of kissing me, Yuuto?"

Kidou scratched the back of his neck.

"Sometimes ..."

The brown boy blinked in amazement and suddenly burst out laughing, his gaze was flirty.

"And what else happens in those dreams?"

He had his answer when the boy choked and started babbling. Fudou laughed again and asked mischievously.

"What about when waking up from those dreams?"

Fudou moved across the bed, pushing Kidou who was lying down and with him perched on top, sitting on his hips and arching his back to kiss him again. Kidou grabbed him by the head and pulled him closer to himself, preventing him from separating until Kidou wanted to. Both boys released their lips with a gasp and a resplendent pearly thread that united them. The young brunette swayed on top of Kidou who bit his lips feeling a huge fire exploding inside him.

"I think you can imagine it," he murmured, raising his hands under Fudou's shirt, feeling his warm, soft skin full of hidden emotions.

"I've been dreaming with you too ..." confessed the young man "Although most of the time they were sad dreams."

Kidou hugged him tightly against his body and kissed him on the forehead.

"I don't want you to be sad anymore, Akio."

He laughed warmly.

"That is impossible, Yuuto. Emotions are part of human beings ..."

"But not because of me ..." Kidou bit his lips "If I ever do something that bothers you, tell me before the situation gets complicated ... I will do the same with you, okay?”

"Sounds like a fair deal to me."

Kidou widened his smile, and with a rush of energy, he took off the boy's shirt and laid him on the bed, climbing on top of him, kissing him. 

Fudou's chest began to swing in an ecstasy of happiness, while Kidou's lips traversed his skin until it stopped at that rose above his heart. They stopped with softness and tenderness, the kiss on the scar was much sweeter and the boy felt that his tears overflow once more, but they were healing tears.

"I promise that I will not allow anyone to harm you like that again, I was not by your side then, but I will be from now on."

"Yuuto ... don't think you can accomplish something like that, if I had to stand between you and a weapon ... I would do it without hesitation."

"The same goes for me," Kidou murmured, kissing his body again.

Kidou's lips continued to run over his skin, both guided by the current of electricity running through their bodies and bringing them together like two magnets, like a gravitational pull.

Kisses, caresses and some bite, which as Kidou gained confidence became more daring. In the end Fudou was completely unprotected on the unmade bed and Kidou on him managed to make his voice twitter like a crystalline stream. His fingernails dug into the sheets first, then drifted off into the boy's untied dreadlocks, gripping tightly and thrusting his head at him as his back arched at the stimuli Kidou's tongue was tearing at the end of his body, in that sensitive area that was completely inside his mouth.

"Yuuto ..." Fudou whistled nervously noting that he was reaching his peak and that he couldn't hold out any longer.

The name on his lips made the appellee try even harder, as he felt his body temperature rise and begin to arch in irrepressible spasms. 

With his cheeks colored, his body burning like the sun and his breathing more agitated than ever, Fudou dropped onto the bed, watching Kidou sit up, running his tongue over his lips, catching a solitary drop. 

Fudou covered his face with his hands moaning embarrassed, but Kidou withdrew them and kissed his cheek, then his eye, and then his lips. Fudou's hands dug into his back, which had been left naked in the middle of the previous process.

Pearls covered both bodies connected by deep love. As Kidou's eyes parted, he looked with growing desire at the face that still had that euphoric expression. 

"Akio" Kidou stopped for a moment, despite how much he longed for what he was going to ask him, he was shy to verbalize it "do you ... do you want us to go further?"

The boy trying to calm his breathing opened his eyes and turned his head. 

"I want."

Then he sat up, slipped between the sheets until he reached the second drawer of his nightstand. From which he took a sealed deep pink bottle which he threw at Kidou.

"We should use this."

Kidou took it with curiosity although when reading what it was, an intimate lubricant, it almost slipped from his hands. Fudou sat next to him in the lotus position and watched him.

"Someoka gave it to me a while ago saying that someday I would need it..."

"It is unopened."

"I didn't expect to use it, I couldn't forget you..."

Kidou bit his lips and with a trembling hand he broke the plastic of the seal. Then he looked at Fudou, looked down his naked body and felt how all of him shuddered again with that burning desire invading each of his cells.

Kidou impatiently took off his remaining clothing and pushed Fudou back against the bed, who upon noticing let out an exclamation of surprise.

"Uh ... uh, wait ..."

Fudou tried to get up but Kidou held him back by kissing him. When Fudou separated, it was clear what Kidou's intentions were. He took a moment to accept it, ran his hand over his chest, and finally dropped it on the bed with resignation.

"If it hurts I will punch you" he threatened almost comically, Kidou opened his eyes and laughed.

"I will not allow it to hurt you, it must be pleasant for both" Kidou replied with a arrogant smile, making Fudou forget to breathe.

Kidou began to kiss Fudou's body again, taking from his skin that clear water that calmed the pain of previous years. That union, that contact closed his wounds as if they were pearly points.

The boy dropped the magenta semi-liquid substance with heat effect into his fingers. Kissing the lips of his beloved, he brought his hand to that door to paradise. 

Fudou shuddered as he made his way, like the first footsteps in the freshly fallen pure snow. His heart was pounding, a high beat, his body reaching boiling point. He arched with murmurs of longings that Kidou hastened to fulfill.

Pinkish threads ran across Kidou's broad back and arms as their bodies moved in concert at an unbridled pace. Fudou had embraced his boyfriend with arms and legs, deepening in that union that made them feel more complete and happy than ever in their lives. Forgotten caution and modesty, they both rocked fiercely, dominated by the movement of the red-eyed boy who let out the repressed feelings with almost ferocity. 

The two young men called each other continuously in whispers of despair to reach the final flash that like fireworks exploded in the sky in colored shapes bringing joy and laughter.

Kidou fell exhausted on Fudou when his body finally projected onto him everything he felt. Fudou received him with a hug and kisses of tenderness on the face. They lay next to each other.

"I love you, Yuuto" the brunette boy muttered in a shy voice.

"I love you Akio."

With their hands clasped and their heads pressed together, the boys regained their calm and their bodies returned to temperatures in which they had to cover themselves with a blanket while they heard the wind shake the branches of the trees in a pleasant sensation of protection and well-being.

Despite the exhaustion, none was able to sleep and mindnight found them in the kitchen preparing something to eat. Although Fudou moved with a certain rigidity because despite everything, that still throbbed inside him.

* * *

When the sun bathed the city in gold and his touch of life entered through the window of the green-eyed boy's room, Kidou shifted annoyed in the bed and tightened his arms around his naked boyfriend whose rest was not interrupted.

The morning was well advanced when they finally woke up in a jumble of caresses, kisses and softness. Waking up together was like a gift from fate that until recently had kept a grim hand on them.

Someoka came to the house making a lot of noise to announce his presence when it was late afternoon. The boys appreciated the detail that he warned in that way, despite the fact that he had sent a message to Fudou saying that he was on his way. 

He found the two strategists in the living room, playing on the console a zombie killing game that had a cooperative playing mode. Kidou sat normally on the sofa and Fudou with his legs above him.

"I see that things went well" smiled the boy sitting on the armchair next to him with a wide smile of satisfaction but a hint of mischief in his eyes as he saw the scratches that ran down Kidou's arms.

Fudou snorted and turned to look at him, ears redder than he would have liked.

"Ryuugo, you're a bastard..." he paused, looking back at Kidou and smiled "Thanks for the push."

"So?" Someoka asked, hoping to be told what he was able to see clearly.

Kidou looked at Fudou and then at Someoka. Fudou made a noise like a cough.

"Yes, yes ... we are dating now."

"With the usual delicacy" Kidou sighed with a huge smile "Thank you, Someoka, I really owe you a very big favor."

"I know," Someoka giggled happily. "I'm so happy for you."

The boy got up, went to the kitchen and returned with an apple to sit on the armchair again, after a while of silence he asked in an amused voice.

"Did you like the lubricant? It’s Shirou’s favourite.”

The two boys choked on their own saliva, and their faces rose in color at that direct question.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Fudou replied, losing the opportunity to kill a fairly simple zombie.

Someoka rolled his eyes and said in a voice that sounded exasperated.

"Someone threw the plastic seal in the kitchen trash."

Fudou's red-tinged face immediately turned to Kidou who did the same to him, clearly betraying themselves and Someoka laughed with real desire.

"It's a lie, there was nothing. Like I haven't known you for years.” 

"You're an asshole" the two strategists shouted at the same time, but Someoka continued laughing and in the end they also joined together.

The boys spent the rest of the afternoon talking animatedly. Days later Kidou moved to the apartment where there was another small room that they normally used as a storage room, although he never slept in it. At night, silently, so that Someoka wouldn't find out, he would enter Fudou's room and they both slept holding each other ... or at least they slept some nights. 

Someoka however knew perfectly well that the two slept together. First, because he was in charge of doing the laundry and Kidou's sheets did not appear until a day he let out a comment about how unhygienic it was not to wash the sheets in so long. And second because he would have done the same if he were living with his partner.


End file.
